I've liked this same guy for almost 4 years now...
And everyone knows that I like him...
Well about 2 weeks ago I found out that he has a g/f...
And the girl he's dating is horrible to him...
I have no idea why he's dating her...
Nobody in his family likes her...

Anyways...
I've been trying to forget about him...
Well like always he comes walking right back into my life...
He came to my church Sunday...
And we hung out just like old times...
I tried to pretend like I didn't like him anymore...
But everytime I looked at him I lite up...
There's just something about him...
I can picture us being together forever...
And I've never had that feeling about anyone else...
I just can't let go of that part of my life...
But i'm afraid that we will never be more than friends...

Turns out this guy I've liked for the past FOUR YEARS has a GIRLFRIEND...
I was in complete and utter shock when I found out...
And it was weird because at first I didn't cry...
I guess I was probably to shocked...
But I ended up crying myself to sleep last night...
I also gave into my old cutting myself habits...
I'm usually really good at faking that I'm okay...
However I don't feel like pretending anymore...
But I know that I'll continue to make myself...
I don't trust anyone enough to tell anyone...
Then today I have eaten so much food...
I feel like i'm gonna blow up...
But I had a great time with my family...
I'm just so confused...

This might sound really stupid to most people, But this is the way I feel so please tell me what you think, if it will help...
Alright 5 years ago I lost my Aunt Janice to cancer...
Her and I were really close...
She has always been the only person I can talk to about stuff...
Anyways after she died I went though a deep depression...
Everyone always says that after she died I pretty much died with her...
Which is true in a lot of ways...
Anyways Craig which was her husband decides to start dating \ like 9 months after my Aunt had passed away...
He's been though about 10 girlfriends that I know of...
Anyways he's been dating this lady for about 5 months now and she's getting really clingy to him...
Like Craig got a job ( It's only for two months) in virginiaand she took her kids up there to see him...
WHAT THE HECK...
I mean they have only been dating for five months...
And shes already talking about marriage...
It really makes me mad though...
My Aunt Janice deserved alot more than this...
And one of Debbie's ( Lady dating Craig ) daughters likes the boy i've been talking about on other posts...
The whole thing makes me soooooo mad...
Anyways...
I'm down another pound...
So Keep Strong people...
: (

Current Mood: pissed off

My father moved out of our house 3 days after my 15th birthday ( I am almost 18 now ) and I haven't seen or heard from my father in going on 8 months.
Well today he decides to call my Mom.
He left a message on her machine saying that he got a call from some person looking for my mom.
Then at the end he said " Oh and I was wondering how the girls are."

What the heck...
He doesn't care, If he did he would call me.
But he's never been there for me, I don't know why I thought he actually cared.

Current Mood: disappointed

Okay so I just ate a whole plate of nachos...
How horrible is that...
After i've lost 13 pounds I go and do something like this...
I hate when I do this...
So now I'm going to purge...
Great...
I hate myself sometimes...
: (

Current Mood: disappointed

Alright well today has actually been pretty good...
I spent the whole day with my mom...
And we went shopping and stuff...
We also went to my Grandmother's which is always nice...
Anyways...
I've been really upset lately...
I found out tonight that this guy I like ( And have liked for the PAST 4 YEARS) likes some girl that goes to his camp...
I thought he really liked me...
Everytime I'm around him he walks by me and smiles like a hundred times...
I've even had people ask me if we are dating...
So I have no idea what I am suppose to do...
I was suppose to go see him tomorrow night however now i'm thinking about not going...
I love him alot and It kills me to know that he loves another girl the way I love him...
I know I should probably forget about him...
But I can't...
I seriously need help...

Current Mood: depressed

I failed once again...
I ate a Smart One meal...
But it was only 290 cals...
Which is still really horrible...
The whole time I was in the store I was like don't do it...
But of course I did it...
Tomorrows a new day...
I'll try and stay strong...
Love ya'll...

I have lost another two pounds...
It's great...
I'm sooooooo happy about...
Anyways...
: )
I've been having a really great day...
I've been putting our Christmas stuff up all day...
Which I love doing...
: )
But i'll post again soon...
Stay Strong...

Okay so Im 17 years old, 5'1.
I recently learned i have EDNOS meaning-
"individual suffers from Anorexia but still gets their period; It can mean they may still be an "average healthy weight" but be suffering Anorexia; It can mean the sufferer equally participates in some Anorexic as well as Bulimic behaviors"
i try to control what goes in my body.
I have a double life, being my ed.
im outgoing, loud, and im practically always smiling in public; no one would ever relize what goes on in my head.
This isint something i can fix on my own. its takin over. ive accepted it.
This has become my Obsession.
And
No One Knows.

Yay...
I'm down 12 pounds this month...
: )
Anyways...
I have done well for it being Halloween...
Like I remember last year I ate like a million peices of candy...
But this year I haven't had ANY...
YAY...
However I did have a cupcake...
: (
But I had to make like 200 for our Fall Fest at Church...
So I'm proud of myself for only eating one...
However Christmas is right around the corner...
I LOVE CHRISTMAS...
I just hate all the food we eat during that time...
It's GROSS...
But I need to go to bed...
So I'll write more later...
Stay Strong...
Love ya'll...

Current Mood: impressed